Heartache and Hope

So often life throws unexpected challenges.  Yet through it all we find not only heartache but also hope.  Hope in tomorrow.  Hope in God.  Hope is His eternal plan for families, that life nor death is the end.

I had the joy recently to learn I am pregnant.  The joys was  uncontainable.  I wanted to share it with everyone I knew and did not know.  Baby names were being thought of, plans for building the cradle were explored.  Budgeting was being done.  Fretting about how and when to tell work.  Even deleting all friends from the new job off my facebook account in case I or someone else commented about being pregnant. I listened to General Conference and felt that every talk was for me as so many talked about families and raising our children to love and have testimonies of the Lord.

Then after the morning session of conference, things changed.  Things were not right, and I knew it.  I waited a few hours before telling Joshua and we decided to go to the E.R.  He and a dear friends husband gave me a priesthood blessing.  I felt a peace surround me even though I was still concerned, and my body was able to relax.  After 4 hours in the E.R., ultrasounds, tests, tests and more tests I was told I was having a miscarriage.  I am grateful for the kind doctor who delivered the news, my supportive husband who held me, took me home and made me cheese crisps for dinner and chocolate chip cookies and a nice fire while we begin our journey of waiting it all out.

At times my heart feels like breaking, I feel I can't breathe.  I try to sing songs that comfort me but nothing comes but tears.  I write and tears come.  Then comes the undeniable peace and comfort that this is a trial of life that will pass.  I will be patient with myself and my feelings and let myself mourn and feel the hand of God in my life.  God is extremely aware of me and my family.  I feel his peace as I pray for comfort.  The Conference messages are still for me as one day, on the timetable of Him who is most wise, I will have children here on earth.  I know that families are forever and I will see and know that child again.  That child I was able to love inside of me, I continue to love.  I will not give up.  I will not quit.  I will keep walking.  I will keep trying. There is help and happiness now and ahead despite the sadness and pain.  I will keep my chin up.  It will be all right in the end.  I trust God and believe in good things to come.

The Brain: Gut, Heart and Head

I have just read a fascinating neuroscience article on the brain having 3 centers, the gut (intestinal track), the heart and the head.  Each center guiding our feelings and interactions.  I found it so fascinating to learn that the gut has more neurons than the spinal column.  They are finding that when information comes into the body it first is transmitted to the gut, then to the heart then to the head.  

So cool!

Real Meaning of Christmas

I was touched by this video.
Enjoy!

General Conference Weekend

A priceless weekend is having both sets of parents in town and one brother from both families at the same time, enjoying general conference together, many shared meals and memories made, family pictures taken, trees trimmed, weeds pulled, deck worked on, apples picked, 15 quarts of applesauce made and bottled, tons of apple pie filling and apples in syrup bottled thanks to Elisa and Joshua, and hours of visiting. We love our family.

Within about 20 minutes I learned that a dear friend Marian Wahl passed away, a light fixture fell 2 stories and shattered next to where I was standing, and we learned that the contract for our home came through.  Needless to say I felt emotionally exhausted in a short amount of time. 

Marian is a lovely woman who taught me much about loving others, caring for those in need and how to be a friend.  She loved flowers and had quite a green thumb.  She was an avid reader and taught English to high school students.  She loved languages and spoke several herself.  She taught me some of the joy of learning.  I was saddened to hear of her passing because we will not be blessed by her presence for a time.  I find great hope and comfort in knowing that death is not the end.  We live that we might die and we die that we might live. I am grateful to know that God has a plan, it is a plan of happiness, a plan of hope, a plan of salvation.  I know that through Him and his atonement, I will see my dear friend and other loved ones again.

Light fixture fell from the top of the staircase onto the landing seen in the middle of the staircase.

The story behind the light fixture falling:  Yesterday I went outside bare foot to get some dirt for the seeds I am starting for our garden when we move.  While on the stair the glass light fixture at the top of the staircase for our column fell shattering near where I was standing.  Glass flew everywhere, landing on all three levels of the staircase.  Standing in shock, not yet able to move, I saw in my minds eye myself standing there covered in blood, cut for the shattered glass and was just waiting for the pain to set in.  I feel so blessed and thankful to God that I when I was finally able to look at myself, I was standing surrounded with glass with only a small, small cut on the foot.

Shortly after the glass experience, we received a phone call from our Realtor saying HUD sent the signed contract for the home we are trying to buy.  Now the clock begins ticking.  We must close on the house within 45 days of yesterday.  We had hoped be able to close and move by the end of the month so we do not have to pay for another month of rent. It now looks like that might still be a possibility.   Our prayers have been answered.  I am grateful for the Lord's help in having that come through. 

Now we work to get the power turned on for a home inspection on Friday and pray that all will come back okay with that and pray that the loan process will go quickly and correctly.

I feel so blessed, protected and thankful for the tender mercy and knowledge of his plan.  The eternal perspective and knowledge makes barring the trials and challenges of life so much easier.