Heartache and Hope

So often life throws unexpected challenges.  Yet through it all we find not only heartache but also hope.  Hope in tomorrow.  Hope in God.  Hope is His eternal plan for families, that life nor death is the end.

I had the joy recently to learn I am pregnant.  The joys was  uncontainable.  I wanted to share it with everyone I knew and did not know.  Baby names were being thought of, plans for building the cradle were explored.  Budgeting was being done.  Fretting about how and when to tell work.  Even deleting all friends from the new job off my facebook account in case I or someone else commented about being pregnant. I listened to General Conference and felt that every talk was for me as so many talked about families and raising our children to love and have testimonies of the Lord.

Then after the morning session of conference, things changed.  Things were not right, and I knew it.  I waited a few hours before telling Joshua and we decided to go to the E.R.  He and a dear friends husband gave me a priesthood blessing.  I felt a peace surround me even though I was still concerned, and my body was able to relax.  After 4 hours in the E.R., ultrasounds, tests, tests and more tests I was told I was having a miscarriage.  I am grateful for the kind doctor who delivered the news, my supportive husband who held me, took me home and made me cheese crisps for dinner and chocolate chip cookies and a nice fire while we begin our journey of waiting it all out.

At times my heart feels like breaking, I feel I can't breathe.  I try to sing songs that comfort me but nothing comes but tears.  I write and tears come.  Then comes the undeniable peace and comfort that this is a trial of life that will pass.  I will be patient with myself and my feelings and let myself mourn and feel the hand of God in my life.  God is extremely aware of me and my family.  I feel his peace as I pray for comfort.  The Conference messages are still for me as one day, on the timetable of Him who is most wise, I will have children here on earth.  I know that families are forever and I will see and know that child again.  That child I was able to love inside of me, I continue to love.  I will not give up.  I will not quit.  I will keep walking.  I will keep trying. There is help and happiness now and ahead despite the sadness and pain.  I will keep my chin up.  It will be all right in the end.  I trust God and believe in good things to come.

Christmas Conversation

Today we talked with Ben in Georgia where he is serving a mission.  It was amazing to Skype with him.  Here is a screen shot of us chatting.    He is a good missionary, who loves God and wants others to know Him.  It was so nice to talk to him.  He comes home in April, less than a week after I graduate.

Real Meaning of Christmas

I was touched by this video.
Enjoy!

Straight from the heart

Went to a funeral today.  The beautiful baby girl was 7 hours old.  My heart ached to watch my friend and his wife bury  their 3rd child.  Sometimes life brings unexpected trails and tribulations.  Several years ago as I worked as a medical social worker on the Labor and Delivery and Pediatric untis, I helped families as their babies died or with fetal demisses.  I cried with them, and often would feel sad for them.  But it was so much easier to walk away at the end of the day with a prayer that they might find peace. 

Today as I watched husband and wife and family say good-bye I struggled so much more.  Maybe because I know them, have that personal connection and care about them.  I watched the husband carry the small casket and cried knowing that for a time, that would be the last time he carried his baby girl.  How grateful I am for comfort I feel in knowing of God's Plan of Salvation and the knowledge that we can be with our families and loved ones again.  The pain is still present, understandably so, for them.  But they also speak of peace they have received.  I pray they might have peace and that we may never have to pass through that trial. 

Williamson Family Picture 2011

General Conference Weekend

A priceless weekend is having both sets of parents in town and one brother from both families at the same time, enjoying general conference together, many shared meals and memories made, family pictures taken, trees trimmed, weeds pulled, deck worked on, apples picked, 15 quarts of applesauce made and bottled, tons of apple pie filling and apples in syrup bottled thanks to Elisa and Joshua, and hours of visiting. We love our family.

Update - weekend adventures

This weekend was a full one.  Here is some of what we did:

Jasmyne came to Utah to attend the BYU vs. U of U game.  We got together on Friday night and had a nice visit. 

I taught deep muscle relaxation at our Relief Society Super Saturday.  I love this relaxation strategy.  I like it before bed or before getting up.  I took the transcript from this video.  Here it is if you want to try it:

I worked in the garden.  Here are some pictures I took 2 weeks ago of our apple tree and garden  and one that I took yesterday of the tomatoes and broccoli I picked.

At Super Saturday I also learned a new bread recipe.  It is a multi-purpose dough and so far I love it. I'll post the recipe soon.  I made way too many carbs. on Saturday and Sunday:

Saturday - French Bread

Saturday - Hamburger buns, rolls, and long sandwich buns

Saturday - Cinnamon twists and rolls

Saturday - I tried to simplify life by cutting the rolls and bagging them individually so that we can make sandwiches then put them back in the bag and take them to school or work.

Derek loved the cinnamon rolls!

Joshua loved the cinnamon rolls!

Sunday - 2 loaves of bread

 

Sunday - even more cinnamon rolls

It was a fun baking weekend!

Other weekend projects include studying for classes, and attending a community event to talk about adoption and avaliable counseling resources. 

Adventures of the week

Here is some of what we did this week:

Joshua's school had its NJHS Induction Ceremony.  He was in charge of refreshments.  I wish we had taken pictures of the beautiful table of all the food.  Here though are the brownie bites we spruced up with whipped cream and fruit.  We also served, lemon cucumber water, 3 different bunt cakes (Don't know what they are all the rage.  We had Red Velvet, Chocolate and Swirl flavored cakes), a veggie platter, and cookies from Paradise Bakery.  I think the kids thought it looked beautiful and that it added to the special occasion.  For me, I left at the end of the night exhausted.  We had some minor/major set backs that we had to work through, like the teacher in charge of bringing the lighter for the candle lighting and the plate, cups, napkins forgot those items and remembered 5 minutes before the program began.  I sped to the store, ran through it pulling items off the shelf like a mad-women on the 90's TV show I loved, Super Market Sweep.  The store did not love me to say the least.  In the end, we were able to set everything up in time. 

Our garden is growing well still.  The weather is cooling down so I hope the copious amount of tomatoes growing ripen quickly.  Here is a bowl full  of green beans I picked this morning.

It's apple season and our Granny Smith apple tree is producing away.  The apples are smaller but they taste great.  Here is a bowl full of peeled, cored, and sliced apples that I did tonight. 

Joshua and I decided we would use the apples for an apple pie.  We did not agree on the recipe to use, he wanted the one his family used growing up and I wanted the one in my family.  So, we decided to do a competition of apple pies.  Here he is making his pie. 

His pie finished first and tasted good but the real test was to compare it to my pie.  Joshua took my pie out of the oven and placed it on the cooking rack.  Unfortunately it did not stay there.

Joshua tasted the pie anyway. 

Derek tasted the pie anyway. 

I tasted the pie anyway.  -  Don't worry we tasted the parts that did not touch the ground.

So who won the pie making contest?
We will have to reschedule our pie making match due to an inability to form a conclusion.

He says he did as mine could not be properly judged.  So I had to forfeit.  I claim sabotage.  Therefore he's disqualified.

Some of the other things we did were:
I started school and a new internship.
Joshua's work is improving.
We rebuilt some of our sprinklers - quite a learning experience and pictures to come soon.
Got our broken car towed to a repair shop and fixed.
Cleaned the house from top to bottom - it is now in need of that cleaning again and it has only been a day.
Both Joshua and I played the piano.
I taught primary and Joshua taught young mens.
We made new friends at work, the store and school.
I visited with an old friend on the phone.
I went to Zumba.

Thoughts and feelings

Right now I am feeling frustrated and a little disappointed that the bread I have been working on for the last 6 hours has not turned out.  This project all started when I saw online that a garage sale/fundraiser/bake sale was being held tomorrow for a 14 year old name Jacob Watson.  Jacob was one of Joshua’s students this last year.  We went and visited him in the hospital when he was first diagnosed with Leukemia. 

Since they are having a bake sale, I thought I’d make and donate some artisan bread.  It is easy (normally), beautiful (normally) and tastes great (normally).  I quickly made up the dough and left it to rise.  During that time I went to buy a new baking stone as ours had seen its last day a few weeks ago.  Quick trip I thought.  Run to the store, run in, grab the stone, pay for it, home in 30 minutes.  Wrong!  It took me 4 stores until I found it.  Finally, I get home, season the stone, and get everything ready to bake.  When I go to put the first loaf in the oven it won’t come off the pizza peel.  Now this is not the first time that has happened.  In fact, it has happened every time we try it.  Stupid pizza peel. (Side note, we bought the pizza peel for $30 to my protest against doing so.  Tonight at the first and second stores I went to, I saw the same one for $10.  TEN DOLLARS! Ridiculous.  I should hold to my guns about not spending that much.  Paying more does not always mean it will work better.  Stuff sticks to it all the time and drives me crazy.)    

Back to the story; finally I get the first one off the peel and into the oven onto the new baking stone for the stones debut.  As it is baking, the stone cracks in half.  WHAT!!  STUPID STONE!  I still have 2 loaves to go.  So I decide to use the larger half of the stone anyways to cook the rest of the loaves.  Each loaf comes out looking …well…, not as beautiful as normal.  I have just tasted one.  It’s not very good.  Not only am I’m rethinking taking anything to the bake sale but it’s now nearly midnight, I am tired, have had to clean the kitchen again, used up most of my flour and thrown away 2 of the 3 loaves of bread.   I’ll just have to wait to see if the 3^rd is a nasty as the others.  Either way, I can’t offer to have it sold.  I suppose it’s a tender mercy that I tasted it and did not subject others to it as well. 

Good Bye Wasatch Mental Health

Today was my last day of my internship at Wasatch Mental Health.  I really enjoyed my time there but alas, I am a relieved to be done.  I am now closer than before to completing my masters degree.  I also do not have to deal with those kids yelling or staff dynamics.  I have learned through my time there I believe in positive reinforcement as I saw it change behaviors better than negative punishments. 

Now I have a few weeks to recollect myself before beginning my last 8 months of the program and beginning working at LDS Family Services as a therapist and hopefully in adoptions as well.

One of today's projects

Ugly 80's light fixture makeover. 

I strongly dislike the way this light fixture looks but buying new one is not in the budget for right now.  So, since Joshua is out of town I decided to do a makeover using something I love and he does not....spray paint.  In honor of him though, I bought the "Brushed Metallic Oil Rubbed Bronze" spray paint.  I figured I could try it and since I did not like the light the way it is, if it looked bad, I still would not like the light the way it is...and we could always choose another color to paint it.  

Here is how it turned out:

Before - Dinning area light fixture

After - dining area with same light fixture

I love it!!!

Home Sweet Home updates

The Garden:

It grows a little more each day.  The after picture is a month old now.  Since this picture I have torn out the lettuce and planted winter squash in its place.  The 12 pepper plants have not produced anything as of yet.  A bad bug kept eating their blossoms before they could have a chance.  Two nights ago I went on a bug killing rampage.  The garden is no longer organic to say the least.  But the bugs are gone, including a great reduction in the number of earwigs outside and inside the house, and there are 2 jalapenos growing now!!!!  Here are some pictures:

Before - Garden a few weeks old

After - Garden a month ago - recent pictures to come soon

Joshua's Mother (Elisa) and Dad (Glenn) came up during the last week of June to install beautiful handcrafted, specially designed cabinets for our downstairs room.  Dad did a wonderful job designing, building and installing them.  We were able to help lacquer and seal and sand and wax each piece.  I really enjoyed the time we had together, working and visiting.  Elisa again was priceless in her helping us.  She is so efficient and has long eyes to help us work through various projects such as landscaping the front yard.  With their help we accomplished more in those few days than we had in the month and a half we had lived here.  Here are some pictures of some of the projects:

Before - the ugly recesses in the wall next to the wood burning stove

After - the recesses are filled with wonderful bookcases.  Don't worry the book cases have been straightened up now so they look better.

After - beautiful knotty alder wood cabinets.

Landscapping:

After - water efficient plants.  Before it was overgrown with weeds and tulips (in the early spring)

 

 

Donut Falls Hike - July 22, 2011

Several Friday's ago Joshua and I went to for a hike up Big Cottonwood Canyon to Doughnut Falls (a waterfall that has eroded a hole in the rocks and now falls through it like it is a doughnut).  We live so close to world class hiking, camping and ski resorts that we want to take advantage of it.  I enjoyed being outside again.  Here is some of what we saw. 

Near Doughnut Falls

Me downstream from the fall

Joshua and I on our hike

Poor angle of Doughnut Fall

The view from the top of Doughnut Falls

Joshua on our hike

Me when we were above the fall

Memorial Weekend 2011

Time to play catch up on blogging.  I keep thinking I'll soon have the time to do it but that time probably will never be here.  So here goes.  Here is Memorial Weekend 2011.  Jasmyne, Daniel and Caleb drove up from Arizona see our new home and visit.  Having them was very nice.  We played on the love sack (Giant bean bag chair), went to the park, played with the neighbors, went to the mall, went to church and went cardboard sliding at the park.  I am so glad they were able to come.  They are such fun people to be with.

Here are some pictures I took when we were cardboard sliding down the hills and playing at the park.

Progress on the house - Befores and afters

 Fence - Before

 Fence - After

How we water our garden in the back yard - run hose through fence

 Yard - Before

Joshua mowing yard for 1st time - look at the planters under the window

 

I weeded out the planters and trimmed roses

 After - Front lanscaped

 Garden - Setting up and planting it

 Our first harvest from the garden - Raddish

Been fun.  Also set up the swamp cooler this weekend.  So proud of myself for climbing up on the roof and figuring it all out.  Joshua's parents have also been here this week end.  They have been incredibly helpful.  With their help we landscaped the front and made progress on the back, and been working on beautiful custom cabinets. 

More to come soon. 

Upcoming/Current projects: Roofing, refinishing the deck, painting, landscape backyard, finish staining and installing beautiful cabinets Joshua's father has made.