Aversion, Avoidance, Distraction

When it comes to not wanting to do things, I am really good at avoiding and distracting myself.  Facebook, blogging, cooking, and sleeping are my biggest distraction techniques.  Joshua told me recently of a study done about people with test anxiety.  They found that if those who write about the test before taking the test tend to do better when they go to take the test.  They are able to focus better.

Well right, my thesis is my biggest aversion right now.  Folding and putting away the laundry wins as number 2.  Perhaps if I write about not wanting to do my thesis, I will be able to gain the perspective, peace and willingness to buckle down and finish it.

So why do I avoid it?  This part of it is due in two weeks, and I really am closer than I think on finishing it.  I don't want to deal with the stress of actually doing the task. I fear that their is more work to do on than I want to do or feel capable of doing.  The thesis part of my masters has been the part I have felt most inadequate about.  I have to have a research question, which I do.  Then I have to run the data to see what it says about the question.  This is what I am still working on.  Then I have to write it all up in a clear and interesting way, interpret the results and talk about their application.  Whew, it's a lot.

Why would I do it?  Even though I feel inadequate, even though it is hard, even though I don't want to do it, I still can.  I have to, or else I will not graduate.  It will soon be over.  The sooner I do it, the sooner it will be over.  I can do hard things even though they can be uncomfortable.  My dear friend and collegue Dr. Gordon Day once told me, "It's only a feeling."  He is right, it is a feeling of fear that I am allowing myself to be held back by.  I can work through the feeling though and then it will be over.  Also, if I do go ahead and finish this draft, I am closer to completing my whole thesis.  When I complete my thesis, I do not have to attend an 8 a.m. class for our theses, a great reward.  Also, I will be able to focus more time and without this stress, on my classes, internships, husband, church callings, and other responsibilities I have.  I will be that much closer to completing my masters degree.  I can do this. I can do hard things.  I will do this.         

I feel much better.  Wish me luck.  I am going to do it. Just do it now.  And just do it now with a smile knowing that I am strong, smart, capable and going to be finished with it soon.  It will not last forever.  And most importantly, I know God will help me.  He is always there.